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Dear Shpazzy,

My dream in life has always been to work at Dairy Queen. The only problem is, my parents don't "do" dairy! They say that if I "do", they'll take away my allowances. And, let's face it, DQ doesn't pay much! I've tried working at MacDonalds, but that clown scares me something fierce! Please help me!

-The Queen of Dairy

Dear Queen, *snicker*

What am I? A fly-net for morons? Why should I help you with your lame problems? What's in it for me? But, since you took all the trouble to write in, I might as well answer your question. Inform your parents that if they don't "do" dairy, then they'll "deal" with your attitude! Show them no mercy, for you will be shown none. Blare loud music, throw food at your parents during meals (tacos, I find, are very effective), and slam your door repeatedly. Eventually, they'll want you out of the house. Happy milk-shaking.

-Shpazzy

 

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